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Fixing Others' Lives

My question of the day is: Do you help a friend who's walking down the wrong path?

A few years ago, I would have said, "Absolutely." Assuming this was a friend whom I feel close to and can be honest with, I would do anything necessary to 'save' my friend.

I'm not so sure anymore.

First of all, who makes me the judge of whether a path is right or wrong? How do I know what path is better for my friend? I feel like it's conceded of me to assume I know what's best for someone else. I can't even be entirely sure what's best for my own self.

'Fixing' my friend, besides implying that she's broken also implies that I am qualified to fix her. Am I willing to take the responsibility that my way may not work out for her? Am I sure my solution will actually work?

While I am now willing to admit that telling my friend he is fucking up his life is a very cocky assumption, I still don't know the best course of action. What if my friend has a habit that might cause her to permanently harm herself physically? What if my friend is putting her life at risk? What if he's putting other people's lives at risk? Where is the line? When should I move from 'supporting-mode' to 'meddling-mode'? Is it ever really okay to meddle?

I understand the how presumptuous it sounds to say that I can 'fix' someone's life. I understand that people have different past. Different personalities. Different priorities. Different paths. I understand that something that looks one way from the outside may be completely different from the inside. I get all that.

At the same time, I wonder if there's a point where, as a friend, it is my place to take action. To give more than support. To stop waiting.

Is there such a point? Or is it always best to wholeheartedly and non-judgmentally support your friends regardless of the paths they take or the decisions they make?

And do these rules change if it's a family member as opposed to a friend? What about a sibling?

I simply don't know the answers anymore.



October 18, 2003 | previous | friendship | share[]
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