2001 didn't start all that well for me.

Jake and I were supposed to welcome the New Year in Savannah with his family. In the middle of our fist day I started losing feeling on my legs. After a phone call to the doctor, where I was told that I had two herniated discs and had to go back home and lie in bed, we took the 6am plane the next day and spent New Year's eve and the week after in bed.

The low-key New Year's eve turned out to be the best Jake and I ever had. We played video games all night long and got up for some sparkling cider at midnight. Which proved that 2001 might not turn out awful after all.

I spent February to May undergoing regular physical therapy. At the same time, I got asked to manage the project I was working on while keeping my three-days-a-week arrangement. I worked at New York Society for the Deaf and took five courses including learning to make pottery and play the saxophone.

The summer of 2001 brought many questions. My back was finally starting to feel better and I knew I wanted to change my life. I took fewer classes and decided I wanted to do more in the city. We'd talked about moving before next summer and I knew it might be our last summer in the city. We went to book readings, we took walks in the park, we spent most of our days outside. We talked. We made decisions. We agreed not to be afraid.

In the fall I decided that I was ready to give up my career. I decided it was time to start living the life I've wanted. Time to be proud of myself. Time to make my life worthwhile. I filled applications for the two places that promised to change my life. I went back to physical therapy when my neck started hurting out of the blue. I began volunteering at Housingworks as well as NYSD and took on six new courses. I was going to spend most of the fall waiting to hear and the less time I had to sit around and wonder the better it would be. I knew that the news wouldn't arrive until January.

It turned out to be sooner. December 2001 might hold the record for the most eventful month in my life. The last week of November I found out that I was called back to have an interview with Teach for America on December 6th. I spent the next two weeks practicing my five-minute teaching session so many times that I could do it in my sleep. That Thursday morning, I woke up at 6:30 and got to the interview a half-hour early. I spent the morning teaching, discussing, writing and the afternoon with my one-on-one interview. By three in the afternoon, I was so worn out that I went to sleep as soon as I got home. That night Jake proposed to me at Rockefeller Center, the next morning my boss informed me that the firm decided to promote me to Vice President. Ten days later, I found out that I got accepted to Teach for America.

Talk about a busy and life-changing month.

I'm still waiting for some more news. I am supposed to find out the state that I teach in, in the next week or two. A week after that I hear from Stanford. And then we sit down to make some decisions. 2002 promises to be an eventful year for me. A wedding, a career change, a new house and a car are just the beginning of my New Year.

Looking back to the eve of 2001, I would have never guessed that this would be the year in which my life changed. The year that I started at the bottom but am finishing on top.

May 2002 bring even more luck, laughter, health and love to all of us.

Happy New Year.

Previously? Assigned Roles.

I absolutely adore Christmas.

I know that as a Jewish person I'm not supposed to feel that way, but to me, Christmas is not a religious holiday. I guess what I actually love is the Christmas season and all that it's come to represent.

In Turkey, we all put up Christmas trees and decorations but they are called "New Year's" trees. We don't have the caroling but we have the lights. We have the presents. We pile them under the tree, and open them on New Year's day. The only difference is that New Year's eve is not a family event. Ever since I was twelve, I went to different parties on the eve of the New Year and I didn't return home until the next morning. It's a tradition.

But the New Year's Day is all about family time.

No matter what religion you observe, I can't understand why Christmas season wouldn't cheer you up. I love the smell of pine trees. I love the thousands of lights shimmering all around the city. The wreaths. The sound of the bells. I love the presents. I even love the funny hats. [ I am so sorry, Heather.] Two years ago, I celebrated Christmas with my friend Laura and her family. They took me to midnight mass. I remember walking into the church and loving the candles and being mesmerized by the songs.

Don't get me wrong, I love Chanukah. Most of the Jewish holidays that I observe mean a lot to me and I love being a part of the culture, the traditions and the remembrance. Those are spiritual for me, but Christmas isn't. I know that the idea behind it is and so is the significance of the day. But I guess I love Christmas for the same reason most people hate it.

Because it's become pop culture.

If I were Christian and devout, I might be upset that Madison Avenue has converted the holiest of days to another excuse to sell an item. But I'm not. Instead I enjoy the fact that it's become an excuse to give gifts. An excuse to extend good wishes to those close to us. To friends we might have not talked to in a long time. A reason to give to the less fortunate. Time to collect family members into a single room.

New York gets a major makeover from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. All of Fifth Avenue stretches its creative muscles and gives us magnificent displays. And after this year, Rockefeller Center and the tree and the angels will have a lifelong special place in my heart. During the month of December, it's almost impossible for me to walk down to street without smiling. I love the trees everywhere. It's as if the season uplifts me. I love buying gifts even more than receiving them. 'Tis the season to give, after all. And what's better than sharing and giving?

Tomorrow morning, I'm off to celebrate Christmas with Jake and his family. If you celebrate Christmas, may you have a most amazing one. If you don't, use the day of to hook up with old friends or to make new ones.

Either way, may your day be filled with happiness and laughter.

Previously? Home Alone.

An impending interview.

Love.

A healing back.

Rice and bean quesadillas.

Books.

New friends.

Boundless possibilities.

An amazing family.

Diet Coke. Diet Peach Snapple.

Not having to wear glasses.

New York Public Library.

Cupcik.

Hand-knit scarves.

My nephews.

Photographs and music.

Email.

Kindness.

Colorful leaves.

Babies' giggles.

Puppies.

Old friends.

Making peace. Maybe.

Previously? Sure.

Traditions are at the core of our daily life.

I don't know whether the appropriate word is tradition or ritual but the concept is similar in this context. There are certain things we do every day/month/year on a certain date to celebrate an occasion or to remember something or even to forget.

To me, Jewish religion has always been all about the traditions. My family isn't very religious so I never learned Hebrew. (Well, actually, I did speak it fluently when I was four, but that was mostly cause we spent an entire summer in Israel and I was enrolled in kindergarten, but upon our return to Istanbul I promptly forgot all of it.) We didn't go to synagogue much or light candles on Friday night. But we did observe the major holidays and we told and retold the stories. Today, when someone asks me why I still fast on Yom Kippur or suffer a week without bread during Passover, I can recite the full story of why we observe that specific holiday. I still recognize and appreciate all the people who suffered so that I could be here and I agree with the idea that we need to remember our past and not take things for granted. But, to be honest, I don't observe the holidays for those reasons.

I do it cause it's become a personal tradition.

Both my mom and my sister suffer from health problems that disallow them from fasting. My family is miles away and I am often alone on the eve of Yom Kippur, but I fast. Cause I always have.

It's so engrained at the core of who I am that I don't even see it as an option anymore. It's not something that can be reconsidered; it's a part of me.

But religion is an extreme example for my point. I realized this week that we have little self-traditions that at one point became something that we don't consider from year to year, we just do them. For Jake and me, coming to Martha's Vineyard to celebrate Fourth of July is one of those yearly rituals. The entire family collects at the island house and often there is a guest family as well. It's very low key but it has become a tradition.

I didn't appreciate the strength of this tradition until this year. As I mentioned a few days ago, I recently found out that I most likely have a third herniated disc on my back. My neck is causing large quantities of pain over my back, my arm and my spine in general. I've been depressed and grouchy. So when Jake mentioned our plans, I told him that maybe going to the Vineyard when I felt so crappy wasn't such a good idea.

Hell broke loose. (Well, it didn't. mostly because Jake's such a wonderful person and didn't give me the guilt trip that I was already feeling.) I could tell he was sad but I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I didn't spend enough time caring about his feelings.

As Saturday got closer and closer, I realized that I got depressed at the idea of not going, too. We always went to the Vineyard this weekend and now I was the reason we weren't going to go. I realized that breaking this tradition meant that I was admitting something was seriously wrong with my body. And I didn't like the idea that something was so wrong that we would alter a tradition. So what if my back hurt some? Staying in New York represented caving into my sickness and it would be downhill from there.

So I didn't.

I bought a neck brace and we took the trip slowly. As I stare out the window to the endless water and trees, I am really glad we came. My back already feels better, my nerves are calmer, the wind is caressing my face and the kitty is giving me curious looks. There's a reason this trip became a tradition.

And you don't mess with traditions.

Previously? Horny.

Jake and I spent most of yesterday watching football. Well, he watched football and I lay in bed, reading my book. Around 9pm, we started playing Ms. PacMan and we only stopped several minutes before midnight to walk over to the living room and watch Dick Clark as the ball dropped. After watching twenty more minutes of TV, we walked back into the bedroom and played video games for several more hours.

This was the first year since I moved to New York that I had no plans for New Year’s eve. Well, at least none that I was able to follow up on.

This was the first year most of my friends didn’t even know I was in town.

This was the first year Jake and I gave each other’s presents well before New Year’s in anticipation of not being in town for the actual night and not wanting to carry the presents through three states and back.

This was the first year in three years that we went to bed well after midnight.

We had sparkling cider and toasted with a kiss.

And we didn’t fight.

This is going to be a good year; I can feel it.

Previously?

I got my green card. The one thing that ensures I won’t get kicked out of the country, unless I do something illegal of course. Ever since I got a job, I’d been working endlessly to get this small, and not green but white card. Thanks to my amazing and patient lawyer and loads of luck, I am now the proud owner of a plastic that says I am a permanent resident of the United States thanks to my Extraordinary Ability in the field of Information Technology. A huge ordeal that took me over three years of blood and sweat is finally over.

I changed my job and my hours. If I had to describe my last job in one word I would most definitely choose “pain”. There are many others that leap to mind but that is the most prominent one. Thankfully and luckily, after I returned from my business trip and got my green card, I found the balls to finally get myself out of this emotionally abusive relationship between me and my job. Now, I work three days a week at a job I adore and I didn’t even have to change firms.

I lived and worked in Japan for six months and learned Japanese. I don’t like being alone. I didn’t know a word of Japanese and the Japanese, for the most part, don’t speak much English. All my friends recommended against this trip. But I went anyway. I’m still not sure why. But I am so glad I did. If nothing else, I learned that I can be on my own. Important life lesson.

I started volunteering weekly. I’ve wanted to be more active with my volunteer efforts for years. I’ve also wanted to practice and master sign language. I put these together and started volunteering at the New York Society for the Deaf. I learn something new each week and I love meeting different people.

I got Laser Eye Surgery. This was unplanned and not an active wish but it changed my life drastically. It was one of the most painless, speedy and amazing operations of my life. it had no after effects, no pain and outstanding results. Last time I could see without my glasses, I was ten years old. This is beyond incredible.

I did so much more. I quit Diet Coke. I started exercising five times a week. My relationship with Jake improved tenfold. I started my second novel. I started writing this website. I kept up my reading and classes. I learned more about art. I made new friends. I celebrated my nephews' first birthday and my mother’s fiftieth. I felt happy.

It wasn’t all good, of course. It had its bad moments. I lost a friend. I didn’t lose weight. I’m still unsure of my career path. I should be eating healthier. I slipped two discs on my back. And I’m sure there were many other painful moments that I cannot now recall.

But to be fair, I’d have to admit 2000 was good to me.

As for 2001, all I want next year is to be a better person, inside and out.

Previously?

As you might have already guessed, everything goes wrong. Two years in a row, Jake and I spent the stroke of midnight in a fight. No bubblies, no laugher, no pretty dresses, just screaming and tears.

After the disaster of last year, I decided that from now on, Jake and I were to spend New Year's out of town. I figured, and he agreed, that if we leave town, I won't be stressed worrying about everything being perfect and will be delighted just to be out of town.

So we made plans. First it was the Galapagos, then Cuba, and then the Bahamas. After they all fell through, we finally settled on a trip to Savannah with Jake's family. The location didn't matter to me, I just wanted it not to be New York.

When I got real sick at the beginning of December, I panicked about the planned vacation. The doctor told me to relax and that I'd make it to my vacation no problem. So I skipped everything to ensure I'd get to go on this vacation. I didn't go to my volunteer job three weeks in a row, I missed Jake's family's annual Christmas party, I spent endless hours on my couch, getting bedsores just so I could make it to Savannah. This New Year's would be fun, even if it meant ruining December.

Two days before our trip, I felt 1000% better. I could sit, walk and stand without much pain. I was ready for Savannah and I knew it was ready for me. We took the train from New York to Boston (where Jake's parents live) and celebrated Christmas with them. On the morning of the 26th, all of us went to the airport. My back had started aching slightly but I figured I'd keep up my exercises and rest a lot and things would be fine.

Well it didn't turn out that way.

The morning after we got to Savannah, I woke up with acute pain. Jake and I walked around for an hour and pain shot up and down my legs. In the last month, the one thing doctors had asked me was whether the pain went down to my legs and it never had. They kept saying that as long as the pain didn't go down, I was fine. And now it was going down. All the way to my toes.

We went back to the hotel and after several hours of sleep, the pain wouldn't stop. Finally, I called my doctor and he says my MRI results are back and I have two herniated discs on my back. He said if the pain is back I should come back home and have bed rest for a few days. He goes, "You can get up to go to the bathroom, but no moving otherwise." Gee. Thanks.

Lumbar 3/4 and 4/5. Two discs for the price of one.

Jake and I take the 6:30am plane back to New York. I spend all Thursday in bed. Today I went to my physical therapist and pain is attacking my back, my legs, my knees.

Here we are, two days before the year is over and I am to lie in bed for twenty minutes and walk around the house for twenty minutes as I alternate between having heat and cold applied to my back.

Happy New Year.

Previously?

Jake and I are at Martha's Vineyard and while it's freezing here, I still feel the delight of being far away and relaxed. This is my fifth (or maybe sixth) Thanksgiving here with Jake and his family. Thanksgiving here is nothing like what American television depicts. Jake and his two brothers get along quite well with their parents. We spend most of the day in front of the fire (since it's always freezing cold this time of year) and we chit chat, read, and mostly doze off. Often, a bunch of them go for a walk on one of the beaches and then we lazy around for a while more till we all sit for dinner. No TV here (actually they don't have a TV in any house) so no football. Just good old fashioned family chats.

I remember these Thanksgivings always as calming and low key. Each time, I have an enormous amount of homework to do since Thanksgiving is about two weeks before finals time. Actually, last year, I remember thinking that one of the greatest things about working is that I didn't have any homework over thanksgiving. But, this year, I do. Next week Sunday is my Japanese exam and once that's over I'm all done for this semester. Pass or fail, I can take some time off and I must admit I need it.

I passed my Sign Language test! I'm on to level 7, except for they don't offer it on a day I can take it next semester so it might have to wait till Spring. I have already started looking at next semester's classes tho and I'm thrilled about this class on the human brain that NYU is offering. I'm so excited that such neat classes are offered and I can take them! I think I will prolly take the next level in Japanese too, but no more exams for a few more years.

Till then, I'm off to memorize those new words. I hope you have a most wonderful Thanksgiving and even if you're not American, take a moment to notice things that you would give thanks for. We often take things for granted so it's good to ponder for a moment or two.

Before?

I'm still somewhat jetlagged and it's been a week since I came back. I spent most of today thinking about my new novel. The characters seem to have invaded my mind and will not leave me alone. I haven't written more than 3000 words on this novel and I haven't even plotted it yet, but the characters are set. At least the main two are. I'm hoping they will tell me the plot soon. Or I'm screwed.

My Christmas wish is a dog. A puppy. A Dalmatian. I know it means a lot of responsibility and giving up most of my freedom, but I want it. I think we'd love each other tremendously and it might help the maternal instincts I seem to be overflowing with lately.

Watching the world series? I have to since I am a New Yorker. I want the Mets to win. Mostly cause the Yankees have already won so many lately and cause the Yankees have so many fans already. We watched the game for so many hours last night and the Mets were winning when we turned out the lights. This morning, I was really sad to find out the Yankees won game one. Here's to wishing better for tonight's game. The thing about baseball is that it can go on forever. Literally. Last night's game was five hours. Ugh.

Before?

Due to the McSweeney's reading selling out last week, they had another reading last night and it was two blocks from my house! After my volunteer job and sign language class, I came home and changed and Jake and I went to hand out at the bar, just incase this one sold out as well. We were there on time and got to hear Neal Pollack's awesome book read by the great author himself. Right before the reading, he came over and talked to us. He even wished me a happy birthday. We all sang some Irish songs (since the reading was at an Irish bar).

After the reading Jake and I went to dinner at this beautiful restaurant right by the East River. It had the most amazing view of the city.

All in all, I had an amazing day.

Oh, and I figured out what I want to do with my life. But that's another story for another day.

Afterwards, we went to Toys R Us and bought some toys. A perfect ending to a beautiful night.

On that note, we are, of course, traveling this weekend. :-)