Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot
More Fun with Rush Limbaugh's Fact Checker
It's August, and we hadn't heard from Rush's fact checker, Waylon, since June. Geoff left a couple messages on his voice mail, but we didn't hear back until yesterday. And once again, we got it all on tape.
Telephone ring
Geoff: Hello! Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot. How may I direct your call?
Waylon: Oh, I am sorry. I thought I was calling Empower USA.
Geoff: Oh. You want the conservative think tank across the hall. Hold on a sec, I'll transfer you. (Pause) Hello! Empower USA. How may I direct your call?
Waylon: Geoff?
Geoff: Hi, Waylon! Haven't heard from you in a while.
Waylon: Yeah, sorry about that. I've been having trouble checking my voice mail. I keep forgetting my access code.
Geoff: Have you tried using your birthday?
Waylon: You can't really do that on this system. It only takes numbers.
Geoff: All-righty then.... Why don't I put Mr. Franken on. .
Al: Hi, Waylon! Megadittoes!
Waylon: What?
Al: Never mind. Listen, Waylon, we're preparing our annual report on the environment here at Empower USA, and we just wanted to run a couple of Rush's comments by you before we publish them as a incontrovertible fact.
Waylon: I'm your man.
Al: Okay, let's jump right in. First of all, back in 1991, Rush claimed that Styrofoam was biodegradable and paper wasn't.
Waylon: Right. I remember that. That is... uh...that's totally wrong.
Al: Oh.
Waylon: Yeah, we caught a lot of flak for that one.
Al: Okay. How about this one? In his book, See, I Told You So, Rush writes: "There are more acres of forestland in America today than when Columbus discovered the continent in 1492."
Waylon: Was that in Chapter Fourteen?
Al: Uh-huh.
Waylon: Yeah. Here's the thing. I didn't do Chapter Fourteen. We had a temp in that week, so I just farmed it out.
Al: Really?
Waylon: Yeah, good kid. Didn't have a whole lot on the ball though. Just out of curiosity, are there more acres of forestland now than in 1492?
Al: No. Turns out Rush was off by about a quarter of a billion acres.
Waylon: Wow! Don't tell the Sierra Club.
Al: Don't worry. Let me ask you a little something about global warming.
Waylon: Doesn't exist.
Al: Fair enough. But in 1992 Rush said it wouldn't be a big deal if did exist because "Even if the polar ice caps melted, there would be no rise in ocean levels... After all, if you have a glass of water with ice cubes in it, as the ice melts, it simply turns to liquid and the water level in the glass remains the same."
Waylon: Well, that's just common sense.
Al: Except that most of the world's ice is on land.
Waylon: Hold it. You lost me there.
Al: Antarctica. It's a continent, not an ice cube.
Waylon: Your point?
Al: If the ice cap melted, sea level around the world would rise about two hundred feet.
Waylon: Holy cow! We'd all drown.
Al: Calm down, Waylon.
Waylon: Calm down?! I've got a basement apartment.
Geoff: Sorry to jump on. But, Al, James Carville is on lone two.
Waylon: James Carville? Isn't he the guy who ran the Dukakis campaign?
Al: Uh, no, Waylon. Actually, he ran the Clinton campaign.
Waylon: The Clinton campaign?! Why is he calling Empower USA?!
Al: You know, Waylon, I might as well come clean. There is no Empower USA. We're actually writing a book called Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot...Waylon?...Waylon?
Waylon: I...I feel so violated.
Al: Yeah, well, gotta go. Megadittoes.
Waylon: Yeah, right.
A friend of mine loaned me this book that she's checked out from her library. This book was written in 1996 and it's amazing to see how different the world was then. As someone who's addicted to Air America, I was looking forward to reading some Al Franken. In the name of honesty, I've never listened to Rush Limbaugh and so don't have much to say about him. The book, however, isn't nearly as good as listening to Al Franken live. I think it has very funny bits but overall it's not as tightly written as I would have liked it to be. |
