karenika - books - metamorphosis

Metamorphosis

In the course of the very first day his father gave a full account, to both his mother and his sister, of the family's financial situation and prospects. Every now and then he got up from the table and brought out some receipt or notebook from the little strongbox which he had salvaged from the collapse of his business five years earlier. He could be heard undoing the complicated lock, and then securing it again after he had taken out what he was looking for. This account which his father gave, or some of it at least, was the first encouraging thing that Gregor had heard since his imprisonment. He had supposed that not a penny remained from his father's old business, at least his father had never said anything to the contrary, though admittedly Gregor had never actually asked him. In those days it had been Gregor's sole concern to do his utmost to help the family forget, as quickly as possible, the business disaster which had plunged them all into such total despair. And so he had set to work with quite exceptional energy, and from being a junior clerk had risen almost overnight to become a commercial traveller, as which of course he had quite different prospects and whose successes were immediately translated, by way of commission, into hard cash that he could set down on the table before the eyes of his astonished and delighted family. Those had been happy times, and they had never recurred, at least not in the same splendour, even though Gregor was later earning such good money that he could meet the expenses of the entire family and in fact did so. They had simply got used to it, both the family and Gregor; the money was gratefully accepted, he provided it gladly, but it no longer gave rise to any special warmth of feeling. It was only to his sister that Gregor remained close, and it was a secret plan of his that she, who unlike Gregor was a keen music-lover and could play the violin most movingly, should be sent next year to the Conservatory, regardless of the considerable expense involved, which he would have to try and meet in some other way. During the brief periods when Gregor was based at home the Conservatory was often mentioned in the talks he had with his sister, though never as anything more than a beautiful dream, impossible to realize, and even these innocent allusions to the matter were not much approved by his parents; but Gregor had set his mind on it very definitively, and he intended to announce his plan with due solemnity on Christmas Eve.

Such were the thoughts, futile enough in his present condition, that passed through his mind as he clung there upright, glued to the door, and listened. Sometimes from a general weariness he could pay attention no longer and let his head bump carelessly against the door, but then he held it up again at once, for even the slight noise this made was enough to be heard next door and reduce them all to silence. 'Whatever can he be up to this time,' said his father after a pause, obviously turning towards the door, and only then would the interrupted conversation gradually be resumed.

Gregor now had ample time to discover - for his father tended to repeat his explanations several times, partly because it was a long time since he had concerned himself with these matters and partly because his mother could not always grasp everything the first time - that despite the disastrous crash a certain sum, admittedly a very small one, was still intact from the old days and had increased a little in the meantime with the untouched interest. And besides that, the money which Gregor brought home every month - he only used to keep back a few odd coins for himself - had not been fully spent and had itself accumulated to form a modest capital. Gregor, behind his door, nodded his head eagerly, delighted to hear of this unexpected thrift and foresight. In fact he could have used this surplus money to pay off more of his father's debts to the chief, so bringing much nearer the day when he could have quit his present job, but as things were it was no doubt better the way his father had arranged it.

I read about Metamorphosis in someone's site. I can't remember who's log it was, and, of course, I knew about the Kafka story but I'd never read it before and I decided it was time. In all honesty, I found the story terribly depressing. Especially coupled with Gregor's hope, the ending just seemed too damn sad.