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The Dream of Reason: A History of Philosophy from the Greeks to the Renaissance Socrates poked fun at his own ugliness, and he could make something more than half-serious out of even such a light-hearted subject as that. Critobulus, a friend of Socrates, apparently once challenged him yo a 'beauty contest' in which each man was to try to convince a mock-jury that he was better-looking than the other. Socrates begins the contest: Socrates: The first step, then, in my suit, is to summon you to the preliminary hearing; be so kind as to answer my questionsDo you holdthat beauty is to be found only in man, or is it also in other objects? Critobulus: In faith, my opinion is that beauty is to be found quite as well in a horse or an ox or in any number of inanimate things. I know, at any rate, that a shield may be beautiful, or a sword, or a spear. Soc: how can it be that all these things are beautiful when they are entirely dissimilar? Crit: Why, they are beautiful and fine if there are well made for the respective functions for which we obtain them or if they are naturally well constituted to serve our needs. Soc: Do you know the reason we need eyes? Crit: Obviously to see with. Soc: In that case it would appear without further ado that my eyes are finer ones than yours. Crit: How so? Soc: Because, while yours see only straight ahead, mine, by bulging out as they do, see also to the sides. Crit: Do you mean to say that a crab is better equipped visually than any other creature? Soc: Absolutely... Crit: Well, let that pass; but whose nose is finer, yours or mine? Soc: Mine, I consider, granting that Providence made us noses to smell with. For your nostrils look down toward the ground, but mine are wide open and turned outward so that I can catch scents from all about. Crit: But how do you make a snub nose handsomer than a straight one? Soc: For the reason that it does not put a barricade between the eyes but allows them unobstructed vision of whatever they desire to see; whereas a high nose, as if in despite, has walled the eyes off one from the other. Crit: As for the mouth, I conceded that point. For if it is created for the purpose of biting off food, you could bite off a far bigger mouthful than I could. And don't you think that your kiss is also the more tender because toy have thick lips? Soc: According to your argument, it would seem that I have a mouth more ugly even than an ass's... Crit: I cannot argue any longer with you, let them distribute the ballots... Of course Socrates lost. He knew he could not really be said to be good-looking, and they were only having fun. This exchange (from a dialogue by another admirer, Xenophon) is not the sort of thing that would bring tears to the eyes of Alcibiades, unless perhaps they were tears of laughter. Nor yet does it show Socrates at his most sophisticated. Far from it: this is the Beginner's Socrates. But it is interesting to see how this simple banter has much of the Socrates that one meets in the weightier and better-known philosophical exchanges in Plato's dialogues.  I read about The Dream of Reason: A History of Philosophy from the Greeks to the Renaissance in the New York Times Book section. Since I never studied philosophy in school, it sounded like a fantastic book. |
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